Men dating several women once
If you multiple date with dubious love habits, the moment that someone either ticks the boxes of your pattern such as having familiar characteristics, qualities and behaviours or doesn’t do what you expect, triggering curiosity and a sense of rejection that convinces you that you are more interested in them than you are in others, you will start thinking and expecting like someone who is dating them exclusively, while at the same time, because of your fear of getting hurt, being committed, or losing all of the sources of attention, trying to maintain some of the other guys.You won’t be interested because you’re genuinely interested – you’ll be interested because you’ll want to ‘win over’ this person and get validated, which is not the same thing.Much of the stuff about multiple dating will be very familiar to you if you have ever been on the receiving end of the flip flapping, hedge sitting, keeping you on ice guy that is Mr Unavailable.Ladies, I’m not saying don’t have fun but I am saying to be careful of not only living a double standard but dragging out a cycle of being emotionally unavailable and commitment resistant.2) Being afraid of commitment because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Some people keep their options open because they want to shag around, they think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and they also worry that someone who perfectly meets their criteria may be out there somewhere and are afraid of ‘settling’.In fact a number of women have said to me that they’re afraid of wasting time, while at the same time feeling that time is running out, so they’re trying to effectively compact, for example, what would be a years worth of dating for another person, into a couple of months. It may feel like you’re auditioning them for what you feel is the big job of being ‘The One’ but you and they are people with feelings, libidos, imaginations, and love habits that may be counterproductive to you actually getting the relationship you want – adding several people to the mix just makes it messy.
The issues arise because not only do people bluster blindly through dating ignoring red flags and letting their libidos and imaginations make decisions for them, but we .
But, is it just me that wonders what happened to dating one person at a time? What is this whole ‘But what if he’s not the one and I’m missing out on one of the other guys that could be? However, you are making a rather large rod for your own back because unless you have hide of a rhino and don’t really care about how other people feel, it can get pretty damn messy with the whole multiple dating thing.
’ Are you supposed to know if someone is the one on the first few dates? If you’re keeping your options open and sitting on the fence dating several people, how can you be emotionally available enough to get to know these people and determine whether you can date one? If you’re someone who has had a pattern of being involved with, for instance, emotionally unavailable men or assclowns, or has a penchant for getting carried away with illusionary relationships, multiple dating is heartbreak, ambiguity, and confusion on acid.
Or you’ll quickly hop on your laptop and start flirting up a storm on a dating site, quickly filling up your diary with dates and attention so that any rejection you’re feeling is quickly blocked out. You’ll experience times when you think you want a relationship with one of them but you’ll agonise about killing off the other attention sources and feel nervy of committing.
This is where we overblow commitment as there are various levels of commitment, and really, in dating one person, you commit, not to marrying them or promising forever more, but you commit to giving it a shot and seeing how things go one on one.
But equally, keeping your options open is about being non-commital and this is the mainstay of being emotionally unavailable and creating limited experiences that keep you ‘safe’ in a self-fulfilling prophecy bubble. Feeling like you have choices may convince you that you have more choices than you have and trap you indecision!